danish archive | english archive | both archives                                                back to achive list | back to weblog

Anders Andersen's Weblog

RECIPE FOR A BEMO RIDE A Bemo = Indonesia minibus

The Neccessities:
20-24 people
1 aging and decrepid auto resembling a small truck or van ( must have rotten floorboards, sharp metal edges on interior, no fewer than two blown speakers and at least 40% of it's nuts and bolts missing)
1 chainsmoking driver between the ages of 15 and 22
1 helper (faretaker) below the age of 12 (chainsmoking optional)
1 cassette of Dangdut music

Directions:
Park bemo in full sun in sweltering midday heat. Add people SLOWLY. When full, add three more. Close all open windows. Light cigarrettes. Plug in cassette and adjust volume level to 10. Set on course for at least 30 miles. Bemo must stop every half mile to pick up more passengers.

Optional Ingredients/Experiences ( You must choose at least three of the following):
1. Broken muffler spewing exhaust into passenger area
2. Any number of live animals up to the size of a goat (be creative here, don't hesitate to include live sea turtles or large fruit bats)
3. At least one person whose mother tongue is an obscure tribal language that is attempting to speak to you in Indonesian OR....one person from East Java doing the same
4. Minimum of three chain smokers. At least one sitting in your lap
5. Windows permanantly closed or boarded over with plywood
6. Driver chewing pinang
7. Door latches and brakes don't work
8. Large basket of trepang under your legs
9. At least one concealed durian
10. Drunken villager attacks bemo with large parang
11. Watch copulating dogs at bemo stand to relieve boredom of waiting
12. Driver orders everyone out of bemo so that passenger can find lost pig
13. Passenger asks you to lift legs so that he may extract hogtied pig from under your seat
14. Sit in bemo at pasar for one and a half hours because driver wants three more passengers. You only have 18 and he wants 3 more! You offer to pay the extra fares in order to get moving
15. Thoughtful driver stops in downpour to cover bemo with black canvas tarp...doesn't stop when rain quits and sun comes out
16. Driver tailgates behind loaded timber truck on Sumatran mountain road. You discover a new method of contracting "Black Lung" disease
17. Sambal from nasi Padang food tries to find path of least resistance
18. Beautiful, smiling Marind woman wearing "Life's a Bitch and So Am I" tee shirt
19. Passenger next to you is shivering from malaria
20. Handsome Biak man flashes perfect white-toothed smile at you
21. Driver speaks no Indonesian or is from East Java
22. Pass crowd of people staring at overturned bemo in irrigation ditch on side of road
23. Little man from Ambon will not stop petting the hair on your arm
24. Miles from the nearest village, in the middle of a sweltering rainforest at midday, the only other orang asing ( foreigner) on the bemo pulls out a travel size can of Evian skin moisturizer and spritzes herself.
This recipe is not my creation. It was posted in the Lonely Planet Thorn Tree years ago

permalink July 28 2003

 

The Gringo way of life ….

a story from BootsnAll Travel Community

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village where a small boat with just one fisherman was docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while." The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time? The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, Senor."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But Senor, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15-20 years." "But what then, Senor?" The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!" "Millions, Senor? Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

permalink July 16 2003

 

Lorte produkter

Efter internettet er kommet til er det ikke nemt at lave Lorte produkter uden at få et dårligt ry
lortecybercity.dk, lortetiscali.dk, lortetryg.dk o.s.v.
permalink July 02 2003